This is not my ceiling
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
