I want to have your abortion
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
