you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
