Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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