things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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