guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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