im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
