They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
