i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
