BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's shark week go big or go home
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
