I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
