spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
