Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You're like the curious george of whores
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
