Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
