no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
