I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
