lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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