It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
