This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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