you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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