im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
