sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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