after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She even gives head with a lisp.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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