Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
