The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight