Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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