Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.