shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
