The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.