i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
