Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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