Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
