you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
