Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
