she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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