I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
