you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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