I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
