That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
