She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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