I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
