What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
