My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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