we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
