Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
