Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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