Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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