I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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