It's Friday. Sex?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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