Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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