Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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