I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
