Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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