I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
