Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
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My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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