Pants 0. Shit 1.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
