She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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