After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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