guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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