final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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