in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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