TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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