yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
