omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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