connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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