Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
