I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You're like the curious george of whores
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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