Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize