I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
