yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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