I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize