If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She needs sedatives and a leash
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
