I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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