I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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