Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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