be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
