so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
