There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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