She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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