Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
