If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
